


No Rules, Just Ghouls

by orphan_account



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King, My Brother My Brother and Me (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lydia seeks advice from an advice show for the modren era. The McElroy brothers are perplexed.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 132
Collections: Fanfics_I_like(Jacquelyn_Winchester)1





	No Rules, Just Ghouls

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm new to this fandom, please let me stay even though I have done this. Writing with the assumption that Beej has somehow wriggled his way back into the household and is just chilling.

Routine wasn't exactly something Beetlejuice would say he enjoyed. When that routine was domestic and wholesome, even less so. But, he did enjoy this: when Lydia would come home from school and they would listen to podcasts while she finished her homework. It took a while for him to understand the appeal - "so they just talk for half an hour? Lyds, I can talk for half an hour - you want me to talk for half an hour?" - but then she had introduced him to shows about true crime and gruesome folklore, and he'd warmed up to the idea. Now they'd added a couple of more laid-back talkshows to their repertoire, as well as an educational one about bugs that BJ liked to add his opinion to.

It was one such evening that they were listening together, Lydia muttering over some math problems and Beetlejuice painting his nails and taking occasional sips from the bottle of polish.  
"Okay, our next question is-" The oldest brother paused and made a noise that meant he was holding back a laugh. "I don't know if we can help this person, but it was so buckwild that I- Okay, I'll just read it." Lydia paused and turned to look at her phone on the desk next to her as Justin began reading. "'My living situation is pretty complicated, I live with my dad, step-mom and -' Okay, so how they describe them is 'bonus parents'?" Lydia squeaked in excitement and turned the volume up, and Beetlejuice glanced up briefly from studying his nails.  
"Oh my god! They're reading my question!" Lydia grinned, and Beetlejuice appeared behind her to listen.  
"I- what?" Griffin piped up. "I'm sorry, that's an option? We could have-" His voice rose as if his mind was being blown with every word he said. " _Bonus_ parents? The three of us have been slumming it with Clint when we could have had BONUS parents?"  
"Heck yeah, this person," Travis chipped in.  
"Yeah, bonus parents are radical. That's not the wild part." Justin cleared his throat and kept reading. "My best friend also spends so much time at our house that he's basically family too."

"Ew, lame," Beej muttered, ruffling Lydia's hair hard enough that she couldn't turn to see him smiling.

"The problem is, he constantly tries to flirt with my bonus parents. Brothers, how do I stop this behavior?"  
"…okay," Griffin said slowly.  
"I mean…" Travis began, but the choppy sounds of Justin trying desperately not to laugh cut them off.  
"I'm not- That's not the best part-" he wheezed, taking a moment to collect himself before finishing the question. "PS, my bonus parents are ghosts." At this he could no longer contain himself, and dissolved into a fit of laughter.  
"What?!" Griffin and Travis said in unison.  
"P.P.S," Justin finished, voice straining with laughter. "My best friend is also a ghost."  
"What the FUCK? Hey question-asker, what the FUCK?" Griffin demanded, while Travis and Justin barked with laughter. "Are you fucking, Wednesday Addams? What is happening?!"  
"Haunted friend watch," Travis squeaked. Justin repeated him in a voice so high with the force of his own giggling that only dogs could truly hear him.  
"I'm… I'm struggling to… to comprehend…" Griffin began. "I mean at first I was like - oh no, right? That's not cool of your friend. I mean, you don't actually kiss your dad square on the lips. But like…"  
"Yes Griffin, I'm not sure about the ghost etiquette here," Travis supplied.  
"Right?! I mean, Trav, I'll let you into a little secret here. Most of the social-situation questions we get here? I have no fucking clue, dog. I'm just winging it."  
"Mhm."  
"But ghost ettiquette?! I can't even… begin to guess!"  
"I think it's fine. You know, if you can't share your feelings when you're dead, when can you, right?"

"Exactly!" Beej agreed, dropping to a squat and resting his arms on the desk to peer closely at the phone. "This guy gets me."

"At the same time though, like… You share those feelings when you're alive, oh no it goes bad, well it's cool because you can just remind yourself you're gonna die and all the bad stuff's gonna go away."  
"Wait, what?" Travis chuckled. "Griffin, that's-"  
"But you share your feelings when you're dead and it goes bad, well whoopsie, now it's bad for eternity. You feel me?"  
"You make a good point there, Griffin. And you know what? I gots plans for the afterlife. I'm gonna chill. You know, be at peace. Maybe look at some art."  
"Oh yeah man, my Heaven's gonna be straight-up Margaritaville, bay-bee," Justin chipped in, having finally regained control over his laughter.  
"But your like… bonus daughter's friend constantly trying to flirt with you? That's not fun. That's not relaxing."  
"Yes Trav, absolutely you are correct, unless -"  
"Unless?" His brothers echoed.  
"Unless they flirt back," Griffin finished. "Then all bets are off. You're dead, you're not gonna get that hot ghost action just because it's your friend's cool bonus parents? No way, dog. You're dead! No rules, just right." Justin's voice cracked with laughter again.  
"No rules, just ghouls."  
"Jesus Christ. Let's go to the money zone."


End file.
